I'm in a mood today!  I almost didn't start this post today because of it, but I'm sitting on the couch unable to do very much.  I don't know why, but I've been in a mood all week.  Anxious and stressed, grumpy, you name it!  To start, the weather this month has been very crappy, and most of you know I'm a fair weather girl!  My mood really needs sunshine and warmth, not windy, grey and cold like it's been.  May is one of the most beautiful, warm months in our area, which also annoys me because we're halfway through the month and it's freezing!  By the way, I'm totally acclimated to California, so when I say freezing, I'm talking low to mid 60's and windy.

This morning started with fasting for blood work, so instead of getting up at 6:30am to have a cup of coffee, I stayed in bed and tried to get more sleep.  I was moving slow without the caffeine, so I left a little late for the lab.  Google maps kept telling me "you have arrived at your destination" in a neighborhood, so I arrived twenty minutes after the lab opened…. to a packed waiting room!  I was told the wait was about 50 minutes.  I waited over an hour, in a very dimly lit, noisy, crowded waiting room.  I had a slight headache when I got there (something that has graced itself back into my life several times this week) and by the time I was called back it was bordering on migraine.  I'm sure the phlebotomist thought I was going to pass out because I kept putting my hands over my eyes when she was doing the draw.  The fasting part was for normal blood work ordered by my PCP over 6 months ago (clearly I don't like to fast!) and I had to do blood work for Dr. R's office, which is mandatory in California for IVF.

Lee and I both have to do tests to prove we don't have HIV or any other STD's before we bring a baby into this world.  Okay, I get it, but where are these tests for people who get pregnant on their own??  I can't imagine anyone paying the crazy amount it costs for IVF knowing they have a STD they could pass on to their child.  Call me crazy!  I was told these tests are covered by insurance, yet the lab states the tests are almost $1,000 and my portion "may be" $200 so they had to put my credit card on file and the payment will be run once it goes through the insurance, which isn't a fast process.  Once I left there I was so nauseous that I drove home with a bag on my lap.  I managed to make it home, took someone Advil, but five minutes later it all came up with a vengeance.

I laid in bed, crying over my pounding head, trying to get the dogs off of me and away from me.  They are still pretty young and don't quite understand when Mommy doesn't feel good.  I was able to go back to sleep for a bit, then finally was able to eat dry Cheerios around 11:30.  Every time I get up to do something, my headache worsens, so it's been a couch day, which I really, really don't enjoy.  I managed to muster up a little energy to take the dogs on a walk, which my head didn't like.  Tomorrow is church, plus a dog festival in Santa Cruz (we took Banjo last year), and I hope to visit my friend's newborn, born on Monday, so hopefully tomorrow is much better!

Okay, enough complaining… Lee and I met with the IVF coordinator last week and got all the basic info we need, plus our calendar.  I started birth control yesterday, but otherwise I won't be on any hormonal medication until the beginning of July.  Hooray!!  We have to get the blood work I talked about, plus do a recessive genetic test, which requires spitting into a vial and mailing it off through FedEx.  There are two tests options, so we need to research and decide which one to do (they vary by a couple hundred dollars).  The main test of the basic option determines if we are carriers for the cystic fibrosis gene.  It's not a required test, but one we definitely want to do.  That's an awful disease with a short life expectancy and we wouldn't want to bring a child into this world, knowing we are both carriers.

I schedule my hysteroscopy, pelvic ultrasound and mock embryo transfer with Dr. R; one is at the end May, one is the beginning of June, and the mock transfer is mid June.  I tried to at least get the hysteroscopy done by my gynecologist, but her MA said it has to be done in a surgery center under general anesthesia.  I freaked out a little about that, and the MA kept asking "are you sure it's a hysteroscopy you need?"  I can't understand why Dr. R would do it in his office, under no anesthesia and tell me it's a quick procedure, while my gynecologist wants to put me out!  Her MA said the anesthesia is negotiable, but I would need some sort of anesthesia.  In the end, she can't fit me in until the middle of June, which is too late.  I wish the financial coordinator hadn't even mentioned that option or gone into a little more detail instead of telling me I just need to "find a doctor that has the scope in their office."  I guess she didn't understand it's way more involved with gynecologists.

I went ahead and scheduled our medication training, which will be July 1st.  I will have my medications at that time and will be given a calendar that has all my doses in detail.  The coordinator will also train Lee on how to give injections subcutaneously.  Once my embryos have been transferred, Lee will be trained on how to give intramuscular injections, which I think I have to do for about 8-10 weeks if pregnant.  Basically the beginning of July I will become pincushion!

The official start of my IVF cycle is July 7th.  That day I'll do a baseline estradiol test, ultrasound, and start my medications.  I'll list the date ranges below for what follows:

July 10th:  blood draw only
July 14th:  blood draw plus ultrasound
July 15th-18th:  Possible blood draw plus ultrasound
July 15th-18th:  Possible Trigger Day
July 17th-20th:  Possible Egg Retrieval
July 20th-25th:  Possible Embryo Transfer
July 29, 31, Aug. 2, 4, 6th:  Possible pregnancy test

They schedule about 20 couples each IVF cycle, though I'm not sure the range of people that actually make it through.  If they find something on my hysteroscopy and/or ultrasound that would be prevent IVF from working then my cycle will be canceled and the money will be refunded, minus $500.  Each person reacts differently to the medications, but Dr. R will make us all fall into these date ranges.  I will be monitored and told when to stop my birth control, if/when to adjust my dosage of medications, and precisely when to do my trigger injection.  The trigger shot assists in final maturation of the follicles and sets ovulate in motion.  Once I'm given my time, I have to be within minutes of it, and the retrieval will happen 36 hours later.  After the retrieval, which is under conscious sedation, Dr. R will decide on a Day 3 or Day 5 transfer after monitoring the embryo daily.  There are risks/benefits with both so we'll just have to trust that he knows best.  We will decide at that time, after consulting with him, how many to transfer.  The embryo transfer is a quick procedure under no sedation.  I'm required to rest and take it easy 3 days after, but I'm going to take a week off work and just pray some of those days will fall on a weekend for financial reasons!  At first I declined the week-off doctor note, but after the stressful week I had at work, I decided I'm not going to return to a stressful job immediately after the transfer and risk miscarrying.  Post-transfer is the most important time in conception and I have to treat it as such.  I'm really going to have to find a way to de-stress as much as possible when I do return to work.

Post-transfer I can't lift anything over 10 lbs, which means I have to figure out how I'm going to get my dogs in the car in the morning.  If my pregnancy test is positive, I will be restricted from lifting anything over 20 lbs.  It's going to be really difficult making lifestyle changes, and I already told myself after vomiting this morning that I need to buck up!  I may be going through months of vomiting!  I've drastically cut down on my wine intake, which surprisingly wasn't as difficult as I thought.  I was going to completely cut it out now, but I figured I may have 9 months soon of no vino, so I might as well enjoy it while I can.  I'm wondering if my headache this morning was triggered by no caffeine, and I have a feeling that will be more difficult to give up.  I'm going to have to start alternating decaf in my daily routine!  I really hope my headaches exit soon because Advil is my drug of choice, and I know I have to avoid that when I'm pregnant.

I definitely felt overwhelmed this week, plus add in a menstrual cycle and I was a bundle of joy!  I have to keep reminding myself of the outcome!  Dr. R's office recommended acupuncture to de-stress, which sounds so nice, but it's another cost we can't afford.  I'm going to try to find a good yoga DVD I can do at home.  Like my mother said, stress is my middle name and I really need to change that!

The quote at the top of my post is my new favorite quote.  It's all over my fertility office and it spoke to me after the first time I saw it in his office two years ago.

I'm already in a better mood after writing (very therapeutic!) and the sun came out (though it's still freezing!).  I'll update after Memorial weekend, once my pelvic ultrasound results are in!  Thank you all for the kind words and emails.  Please don't take it personal if I don't respond right away.  Life has been pretty busy and hectic.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

XOXO,
Chelle