Welcome! If you are reading this, you probably already know the purpose of this blog. If not, let me fill you in. I will forewarn you this blog may be raw with emotions and details at times, but I will try to not give TMI. Proceed with caution!
Rewind 7 years ago…
Lee and I had been married almost 4 years (together for over 9), and had decided we had gotten all of our partying time, free time and "just us" time out of our system and were ready to start a family. I went to my doctor for the green light, but was told I needed a MMR vaccine (which was a 3 series vaccination schedule) before I should even try. At the time I was devastated. Wait 3 months?? Ridiculous!!! If only that would've been our biggest obstacle.
Once my vaccinations were complete, we proceeded with our plans. At first, we tried the casual approach (no temperatures, tests.. no worries!), but after months of no results I started tracking my cycles precisely, taking ovulation tests, propping myself almost upside down to let gravity take effect… you get the idea! About 8 months into trying, we consulted with my gynecologist. Lee's spermanalysis showed he had all the right qualities in his sperm, but they were lacking movement (motility). After a referral to a urologist, Lee took a specific recommendation of supplements to improve motility for 6 months (so many pills we had to buy a 28 day pill box to house his daily meds). Lee didn't do a spermanalysis following the 6 month treatment regimen, but we did repeat the test a year later which showed not only his motility level went down again, but also his sperm quantity as well.
Fast forward to 2 years ago… we had a consultation with a fertility specialist recommend by a friend here in California. I went to the appointment very excited, expecting to hear all sorts of options for us to have a baby. Instead, I walked out, sobbing, with only the option of IUI (10% success rate) vs IVF (75% success rate)… and both thousands of dollars. For the past two years I've not only carried around the burden of not being able to have children naturally, but also the financial burden. Heavily. Only those who have been through infertility can understand the pain you feel month after month of negative pregnancy tests; announcement after announcement of those around you getting pregnant. Only people that have experienced it know how difficult it is to find friends in your 20's and 30's when you have no children. Let me tell you there seems to be VERY few couples out their, our age, without children. I've even been uninvited to a friend's kid's birthday party I wasn't even invited to in the first place; "we are only inviting people who have kids, incase you see pictures of the party and you wonder why you weren't invited." I told her I understood, but what I really wanted to say was "thanks for reminding me I don't have children… again!!"
It was only until recently I carried this weight around, then about a month ago things came to a head. While Lee was in Tahoe for side work, his transmission died. We put $1000 of a our tax money only a month prior to fix certain things on his truck to "guarantee" it'll last him. Long story short, we weren't going to put anymore money into that truck, so he took out a loan for a new (used) truck. I was devastated. That was the exact amount we needed for a loan for IVF. EXACT amount. We've been trying to improve our credit for years to be approved for an IVF loan. All hopes down the drain. I was devastated to say the least. Then a miracle happen; family members stepped in and offered to pay for IVF.
I can't even explain how much weight has been lifted from me; so much anxiety, even to the point of nausea. I have so much hope and excitement for this process. While telling a friend recently (after almost gushing), I said "I feel like I'm getting too excited about this. What if it doesn't work?" Her response, "you're going to be devastated either way" so basically it's okay to be this excited. Her words of wisdom has stuck with me, so I'm diving in head first, ready for anything! I'm full of hope, joy, excitement, but also with an understanding this is no guarantee, and I'll cross that bridge if I need to, when I need to. Every Sunday when I go to church, we light candles at the beginning of the service, and I light one for baby Stewart each time.
We went to our first appointment with Dr. Ramirez Wednesday, since deciding to go ahead with IVF. We were floored to find results of Lee's sperm analysis, two days prior, were normal. The nurse kept telling me "they're normal," while staring at the paper when she took my vital signs. All I could muster out repeatedly was "what?" I was shocked that both tests in 2009 and 2011 were abnormal, and now everything's normal?! Our doctor told us the normal test does bring another option to the table. We talked a bit about laparoscopic surgery for myself to see if I have endometriosis (which has always been suspected) and scar tissue from a prior surgery If I have one or both, they could be treated during surgery and I'd follow up with 3 months of hormonal therapy, then trying to get pregnant the old fashion way. We considered it briefly, but decided the risks of surgery (my body didn't' respond well to anesthesia on my first surgery), plus treatment of the endometriosis would only be temporary and would come back in 6 months. Lee pointed out his sperm probably improved when he quit drinking back in September and we still haven't gotten pregnant on our own. We decided then to go ahead with our plan for IVF. At my age today, our success rate with IVF has dropped to 65%, but it's by far the most promising option for us. We briefly talked about the IVF process at the appointment and when we got to the embryo transfer, our doctor told us he's been having increasing success rate with twins lately. Lee yelled out "twins! Yep, that's what we want.. but two in at a time!"
We both really like our infertility doctor. He and his wife had the same problems Lee and I had (him low motility, his wife endometriosis) and conceived their daughter through IVF. Here's the link if you want to check out his bio: http://www.montereybayivf.com/about-us/our-staff/
I go back next week to meet with the financial coordinator and get my test orders and prescriptions for the hormones. Lee's already been instructed he will be giving me the injections. "Exactly how big is the needle?" he asked at the last appointment. The doctor and myself reassured him he'd be fine. I love to give injections, but not particularly to myself, and with very expensive medications!
It's not going to be an easy process, and come July there will be a lot of daily commutes back and forth to the doctor (which is the opposite direction of work for me). My work has been notified and understands my schedule at that time will be up in the air. I'm going to try to keep this blog updated regularly since I will not be posting this process on social media.
We are over the over the moon with excitement and hope we have your support and prayers!
Chelle
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